Yesterday, a word kept replaying in my mind.  I tried to focus on the pastor’s message, but my mind kept wandering to this word.


By definition it means a loss of hope and surrender to despair (Miriam Webster).  Some synonyms are distress, anguish, agony, torment, misery, wretchedness, discouragement, disheartenment.  

Obviously, this word has a negative feeling attached to it but yesterday as I thought about it, I couldn’t help but feel thankful.  Sounds crazy, right?

I was then reminded of Philippians 4:6-7, “Be careful for nothing, but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God.  And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

The peace of God, which keeps my heart and mind, comes AFTER I pray, in everything, with thanksgiving.  This challenged me.  How can I be thankful for this? If I’m honest, it’s pretty hard not to be flat-out bitter.

Then it was like He gently whispered, “Amber, in this season of your deepest desperation, I am working.  I am using this for your ultimate good.  I am using the hard to draw you ever close to Me.  I am all you need.”  Tears filled my eyes as I started to see that even with all of its ugly and horrible pain, this season is a beautiful gift because it’s left me wanting and needing Him.

When the medication doesn’t work and the testing shows there isn’t another option, I need His healing.  When others don’t understand, He does.  When the fear is real and the intrusive memories won’t stop, I need His Word.  When I can’t understand or see the reason, I must hear from Him.  When the questions are non-stop, I can ask Him.  Every.  Single.  Day.

In this hard and painfully desperate season, I have found Him.  He is faithful.  His character, true.  His promises, steady.  His Word, healing.  His love, unceasing.  His grace, extended.  His mercies, new.  His shelter, comforting.  His peace, perfect.

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I am stopping tonight to pray for whoever needs to hear this.  I’ve found that praying scripture is very powerful, so I added this prayer.

Father, thank You for the desperate seasons.  When it leaves us feeling hard, broken and wanting, help us to search and look for You (Jer. 29:13).  Give us bold faith to believe in the healing (Jn. 14:14).  Let us see You in every situation You allow.  Use the bitter pain for something good (Rom. 8:28).  For the one hurting with pain so deep that words can’t even be expressed, I ask that You heal the wound like only You can (Ps. 147:3).  Walk them through the valley (Ps. 100).  Let them feel Your presence (Heb. 13:5).  Shine Your Light in the darkness (Jn. 8:12).  We know that our times are in Your hand (Ps. 31:15).  Let that peace wash over us tonight (Phil. 4:7).  You promise to keep our mind in perfect peace when our mind is stayed on You (Is. 26:3).  Bind our mind to Yours (I Cor. 2:16).  Clear out the distraction and lies that Satan whispers (Jn. 8:44).  Give us the strength to put on our armor and fight (Eph. 6).  You have not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind (II Tim. 1:7).  You have sent Your Word to heal (Ps. 107:19-20).  We ask for beauty from ashes, joy for our mourning and praise for our heaviness.  Lord, be glorified (Is. 61:3).  In your precious Son’s name, we ask, Amen.  

You are not alone and very loved.

Amber Bowman




2 thoughts on “Desperation

  1. It is good to read this this morning. I am blessed to see you leaning on Jesus. I have been missing your sweet, smiling face.

  2. Amber, thank you for this today. I really, really needed to be reminded of this.
    My mind sometimes is just reeling. Thank you.
    God Bless you and precious Vi.
    I love you.

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